(no subject)

[yami_samuraiflo]

For once, a Naruto fanfic. No often I write one anymore...
Translated from 'Improbabilités', a series of crack pairings I wrote a while back.

Title: Gender Confusion
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Naruto / Fem!Lee.
Summary: Naruto didn't want to start doubting his sexuality now. Lee wasn't a true girl, damnit!

“So…”

“So what?”

“How do I look?”

 

Naruto gulped.

 

He was going to kill Neji. And Gaï, if he could – tough he doubted he’d be able to. And Tenten too. Eh, even if she wasn’t solely responsible for this travesty – surprisingly, thtis dubious honor belonged to Neji – she had a part in it. Probably. If only he could fing the proofs...

 

Yes, he would kill them. Them and about everyone who had participed to this farce. He would murder them, no matter what, and fuck his dream to be Hokage!

 

Well, he would go on a killing spree as soon as he finished helping Lee learn Sexy no Jutsu.

 

And as soon he could stop looking at the taijutsu specialist as if he were some kind of alien. An alien with a killer body.

 

Naruto gulped. Oh yes, they were dead! Every single one of them!

 

The first time Lee had asked him for help, Naruto had laughed his head off. Several times. Lee had sounded so serious, Naruto couldn’t help his reaction. But then, the young man had seemed so… disapointed and sad that Naruto couldn’t laught anymore.

 

So, the orange-clad ninja had tried to be profesionnal – as Sakura said, there must be a first time to everything – and he had asked his fellow Konoha nin why, exactly, of everything he could or couldn’t learn in the world, would he want to learn the Sexy no Jutsu in particular. Ok, Naruto had ‘defeated’ the Hokage, Iruka-sensei and even that Ebisu fellow with that, but it wasn’t very useful in battle.

 

It had been a mistake to ask, as he had learned soon afterward.

 

Naruto shuddered, remembering Lee's fiery gaze that literally burned with the 'power of youth'. And by thinking about the crazy explanation given about a lost bet with the Hyuuga prodigy. Yes, that bastard was dead. Dead. Dead!

 

Nehi had been quite drunk had the time, but Naruto flatly refused to accept that as an excuse; no way, not even for a million of ryo or a lifetime of free ramen at Ichiraku. Or perhaps he would... Nah, Neji wouldn’t give him that anyway. The fact was, being drunk silly, the ‘genius’ had seriously asked his teammate to learn Naruto first and most prized technique.

 

How the hell did he know about the Sexy no Jutsu when he had never witnessed the technique? Naruto had no idea and frankly, he didn’t want to know. Even if he had his suspicions.

 

Actually, how the hell Neji could even imagine Fuzzy Eyebrows as a girl was something else he had no desire to know, for his own mental health as well as the sanity of everyone in the village. Because Naruto knew he would share the knowledge.

 

But in the end, what was the harm? It wasn’t exactly as if Lee could make it work, right? He wasn’t even able to use ninjutsu or genjutsu to save his own life. So, Naruto had agreed.

 

And now, he wished he hadn’t; for the Jinchuuriki had discovered that, yes, Lee could make the Sexy no Jutsu work.

 

Something was very wrong with that, and Naruto wasn’t thinking about how Lee could make it work, no. What was scary was how big his boobs were. Just by seeing them like that, Naruto guessed they were bigger than the ones of his own girl form, and probably bigger than Hinata too. He didn’t need to touch them to notice that.

 

Even scarier was the fact that she was the cutest girl he had ever seen so far, even more than Sakura-chan. Especially with these big, round eyes and these long eylashes...

 

Arg!

 

Puppy eyes were a curse from the Underworld. Naruto had to remind himself more than once that it was Lee in front of him, and not a true girl, to avoid taking her – him, damnit – in his arms to comfort her. Him. Whatever.

 

What was worse was that he’d found he couldn’t look away, no matter how hard he tried. Not when Fuzzy Eyebrows – which weren’t so fuzzy anymore when he was a girl by the way – was wearing something so...

 

Naruto blushed.

 

He was a grown man, and he wasn’t exactly innocent anymore. Not after he saw some of Jiraya’s masterpieces. Still, he blushed madly.

 

No girl should be allowed to wear clothesthat were so tight. On a guy, ok, that could work, and Naruto had to grudgingly admit that Lee and Gaï weren’t half-bad in green lycra. But on a girl, there was truly nothing left to the imagination, and a cold shower would be a very good idea right now, damnit!

 

He didn’t want to start doubting his sexuality now!

 

He wasn’t gay!

 

And Lee wasn’t a girl, but a boy. Not that if his raging hormones were listening, especially when they liked to whisper that the aformentionned boy was actually wearing a C size cup at the very least, and she wasn’t wearing a bra.

 

... “Mustn’t stare at her boobs,” Naruto thought, too late.

 

“Naruto? Are you feeling well? You’re very red...” said Lee, quietly.

Naruto shook his head, still blushing. “Yeah, Yeah, I’m alright. No worries. Everything is fine.”

“So, what do you think?” asked shyly the transformed boy.

 

Now, who could have guessed Lee could be so shy about his body? Or perhaps he was just worried he had messed up...

 

Lee passed a hand through her hair and Naruto stared at the sky, cursing every deity available for his torments. Couddn’t they forget him just for a day? Or couldn’t have they stopped Lee to chose pigtails as an hairstyle? Well, he too used that, but it wasn’t the same...

 

Taking a deep breath, the orange-clad ninja finally answered.

 

“It’s perfect, Lee. A true masterpiece; I couldn’t have done better,” he added, even though he knew that yes, he could do better, but he seriously doubted he had made any Chuunin or Anbu ask themselves if they were gays. Or if he had, he shared their pain now.

 

Lee smiled brightly. “Thank!”

 

Naruto moaned. Please, someone help him. Why did he/she had to have a smile like that? He was going to faint and suffer a nosebleed like some common pervert if Lee didn’t stop right this second! Damn, even after knowing the birds and the bees for so long, he wasn’t immunized to that pretty girl’s charm. And if he himself wasn’t, than what would it be for some oth...

 

Insert evil idea here. Ah, but better be careful; Lee wouldn’t help willingly and if he was suspicious, his plan would fail. So Naruto smiled rather shyly at his ‘student’.

 

“Say, Lee... would you like to go out for a drink with me now? That would be a good occasion to show Neji and the others what you’ve learned so far, don’t you think?”

 

Lee hesitated. “Perhaps I should change before we...”

 

Naruto cut her/him off. “No, no! You can’t. I think you are perfect like that! Really!”

 

Lee pouted. “But it sounds like a date, an dit would be really better if I could wear a kimono...”

 

Naruto blinked. Since when Lee was so... well, feminine? Oh please, someone tell him that jutsu wasn’t messing him up even more! “Hum, perhaps... perhaps next time. It’s... It’s just a try for now, you see.”

 

Lee just nodded slightly and turned away from his ‘teacher’. Naruto grinned as he tried to not stare at his fellow ninja’s rear. He just couldn’t wait to see Neji’s reaction. Perhaps he would pass out in the first ten seconds? Or perhaps he would make a fool of himself by gaping at Lee? No matter, it was pay back time, and the Anbu could throw him in jail for that, for all he cared. And after all, he wouldn’t be the one actually causing damage.

 

And even if this didn’t work put, perhaps he would ask Lee on a true date, no matter the form.

Just to see if it was the Sexy no Jutsu that affected him so much.