(no subject)

[yami_samuraiflo]

Happy April Fools Day! For the occasion, here comes a small fic which was set in motion by the Random Pairings Genarator.
The prompt was: Ratchet / Slag / takeover.

Title: Of Dinobots, Medics and Euthanasia

Rating: PG-13 or T - Humor

Characters: Prowl, Sideswipes and Sunstreaker, mentions of Ratchet and Slag

Summary: "Ratchet wants us dead" "It's not so unusual..." "He threatened to let Slag take over the Medbay!" "...Come again?"

“Ratchet wants us dead.”

 

Those were the firsts words Sideswipes pronounced upon entering Prowl’s office, his twin brother right behind him.

 

The Autobot tactician put down his datapad and stared at the very serious face of one of the Ark most infamous prankster. Mentally, he tried to remember if the CMO had any particular reason to really kill the twins right now.

 

There had been no reports of Minibots glued to the ceiling. No disastrous ‘Jet Judo’ practice recently. No stupid prank that had backfired spectacularly. No fight in the Rec Room initied by Sunstreaker – surprisingly, it was Perceptor who had started this one in a fit of rage after some unclear events, a fact that still puzzled the tactician to no ends.

 

No, Ratchet had no actual reason to go hunting for the Twins’ heads right now. Meaning that it was probably part of a new prank by the Twins.

 

But he didn’t expect the answer he got. The Twins seemed pretty serious for once. Sideswipes was almost... pleading.

 

“Prowl, you misunderstand. It’s not just us he threatened, but every mech on board.”

“That’s not so unusual...”

 

And really, it wasn’t. Ratchet had a short temper, and was regulary lashing out at anyone who had managed to injure himself in any way possible. More than once, the medic had promised to deactive some of his patients himself, namely Wheeljack each time one of his invention blew up in his face, or the Twins after a bad round of “Jet Judo”.

 

Prowl doubted Ratchet would ever be able to bring himself to do so.

 

One didn’t spend so much time treating injured to just kill them off afterward. Wack them over the head with any tools he could get his hand onto, certainly, but other than that, Ratchet was harmless.

 

Well, mostly harmless, he added wordlessly, remembering a particular wrench which had flown too low and hit him in the back of the head, and a kick that had sent one of the Seeker flying – literally.

 

“Prowl, you don’t understand!” Sunstreaker almost cried.

“He threatened to let Slag take over the Medbay!”

 

Prowl froze. Surely, they hadn’t just said...

 

“...Come again?”

 

The Twins exchanged a look, clearly deciding which one of them was going to tell the tale. Finally, after what looked like an impressive battle of wills, Sideswipe sighed and looked straight at him.

 

“Well, after the last battle, after he finished repairing us, he said if we were going to keep ignoring his advice, he might has well give the position of CMO to Slag. He said that at least with him, we would know where we're standing.”

“Yeah! On death row!” Exclaimed Sunstreaker, scowling and folding his arms.

“He was just kidding,” said Prowl, trying to calm himself.

“That’s what I was thinking too, until I saw him showing Slag around the Medbay and explaining to him the use of each tool,” said Sunstreaker grimly.

 

Prowl blinked. Okay... Now that was slightly worrisome.

 

“Did Ratchet say anything else about that?”

“Well, he said if we were going to get ourselves slagged anyway, he could at least help us die in a less painful way,” said Sideswipes, somewhat embarassed.

“Less painful? With a Dinobot messing in our circuits? Fraggit! It would be quicker if we took a direct it from Menasor! My paintjob going to be ruined by that stupid mechanical lizard...

 

This did the trick; Sideswipes smiled mischievously at his brother.

 

“Ah, poor Sunny!”

“Don’t call me Sunny!” Snapped the yellow Autobot.

 

Prowl was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea of Slag being in charge of the Medbay. Surely, it couldn’t be real. And even if it was, what did the Twins expect him to do?

 

He asked them.

 

“Well, ‘helping’ someone to die...” began Sunstreaker.

“Prowl, we aren’t so mad! We are still like living! Interrupted his brother. And the Hatchet wants to help us die!”

“Humans call that ‘euthanasia’, I think,” added Sunstreaker helpfully. “Isn’t that illegal?”

 

Prowl smirked. Oh, he saw where this was going. Trying to have him stop Ratchet by arresting him? No way. They needed the CMO too badly. And in a way, he wasn’t so sure anymore that the threat hadn’t been justified.

 

Well, two...no, three could play that game.

 

“For humans, certainly. For Cybertronian? I’m not so sure...”

 

He barely refrained from laughing out loud in front of the twins when they looked at each other in panic.

 

“I think you should avoid the Medbay for a few days.”

“Yeah...yeah...good idea...”

 

After the terrible duo left the office, Prowl started smiling like a happy youngling. Ratchet had been a very good student. His lessons in intimidation tatics with the CMO had finally begun to prove their worth. As if Ratchet would ever leave the responsability of his precious Medbay with a Dinobot like Slag...

 

He wouldn’t even let First Aid run it, let alone anyone else.

 

Still...perhaps he should tell Ratchet to stop pretending he would do so...

 

If only for the sake of his logic circuits.