Bunnies are trying to eat my brain

[yami_samuraiflo]

And they will probably be the death of me. I just know it...

Characters: Optimus Prime, Wheeljack, Ironhide, mentions of the Dinobots.
Rating: PG

4. Bunny: Grim’s Faery Tales (or Grimlock writes a book).

 

In Prime’s office, three mechs were talking about a serious matter.

 

“Remind me how this happened?” asked Optimus Prime, gazing at his desk. “From what I understand, you were reading some human’s stories to the Dinobots to keep them occuped.”

“That’s right, Prime,” answered Wheeljack. “Since they weren’t interested in listening to more serious subjects, I tried the faery tales, and they liked them. Well, actually, Swoop and Sludge liked them, Slag wasn’t listening and Snarl wasn’t very interested, except when we came across the Little Mermaid.”

“I’m not going to ask,” said Prime crossly. “Now, Grimlock...”

“Ah, Grimlock... Well, at first, he was enjoying the stories too, but in the end, he thought those faery tales were too mellow...”

 

Ironhide, who had stayed silent until then, snorted.

 

“You have to admit, they are.”

 

Wheeljack glared at him. He wasn’t very happy with the older mech right now. He was, after all, the one who had started this mess when he had overhead Grimlock’s lack of satisfaction with the various faery tales’ endings.

 

“That’s not the point! You shouldn’t have told him to write down his own version of the tales!”

 

Prime looked down at the book in front of him.

 

“You know, I’m not sure what’s the worst; that Grimlock doesn’t have bad ideas when it comes to writing, or how bloodthirsty he is with his characters.”

 

Ironhide nodded.

 

“I must say, I happen to like his version of Cinderella where she slaughters her mean stepmother and beat up her stepsisters with the frying pan and the broom before running off with the prince and taking control of the kingdom.” said Ironhide. “The grammar is atrocious and his spelling is a real disaster, but once you grab the idea, it’s very entertaining.”

“You would like that,” grumbled Wheeljack, “Since you were the one who suggested that ending.”

“Well, I never thought he would actually write it down!” protested the red mech. “I was jocking!”

“Too bad then that the Dinobots don’t understand the word ‘sarcasm’,” snarled the engineer.

“Anyway,” said Prime before they could start a full shouting match, “What should we do with this?”

 

They glanced at the Cybertronian-sized book resting on the desk, proudly titled ‘Me Grimlock Farey Tales’.

 

“You think we can burn this book?” asked Prime.

“He has copies,” pointed quietly Wheeljack. “I saw him giving one to Swoop the other day.”

“Ban it from the Ark, then?” tried Ironhide.

“Smokescreen and the Twins would only be too happy to smuggle new copies in,” pointed out Optimus. “And Grimlock wouldn’t take that in a good way.”

“Said to Grimlock he’s not allowed to ever write anything else ever again?” asked again Ironhide.

“He will not listen; he never does,” sighed Wheeljack.

“Put a warning label ‘Children and sensitive mechs, don’t open if you don’t want to have nightmares for the rest of your life?’”

 

The three mechs glanced at each others.

 

“Now,” mused Wheeljack, “There is a very small chance that could work...”

Characters: Perceptor, the Twins, Skywarp, mentions of Prowl and Starscream.
Rating: PG-13

5. Bunny: The Twins and Perceptor get captured. Perceptor seduces a ‘Con to get them out.

 

When the science team had requested a pair of warriors to come with them on an expedition, Prowl had assigned the Twins.

 

Sure, they had protested, but the Datsun had given them a choice: go with the nerds or wash the hallways of the Ark with what the humans called a toothbrush.

 

How the SIC had managed to find Cybertronian-sized versions was an unanswered question that still plagued their CPU.

 

What a choice to make. In the end, they had agreed to go with the nerds.

 

They didn’t know who exactly who the genius was that had decided to separate everyone in two groups, but if they managed to find out, he would pay.

 

Usually, in bad movies, when someone isn’t with rest of the group, he is attacked by the monster/killer/shark/crocodile, take your pick. In their case, it had been the Decepticons, with Starscream and his damned nullrays.

 

If they had been alone, they wouldn’t have been so worried. The problem was, a third mech had been caught.

 

And now, inside the Decepticons’ base, locked in the brig, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker looked at their fellow captive with a mix of wonder and horror.

 

When he had told them he had a plan to escape, they had thought he meant he had some ingenious plan, perhaps a few tools which had escaped to their captors notice. But no, instead of using that famed intelligence of his, he was just...

 

Flirting with the ennemy. And, worse, it was working.

 

“What do the humans call that again?” came the voice of the yellow twin.

“I think the phrase you’re looking for is ‘sex appeal’. Who would have thought he had any?” mumbled Sideswipe.

“Does that really work for us? I mean, we aren’t humans...” wondered Sunstreaker aloud.

“If you have a better word to describe Perceptor right now, just tell me. Until then, I’ll stick to human language,” answered Sideswipe while looking at the red and blue Autobot, and the Seeker who was putting his hands on Perceptor’s hips.

 

Skywarp wasn’ the sharpest tool in the shed, but damn, even he shouldn’t have fallen into a trap so obvious as the suggestive winks and slightly spread legs of the scientist.

 

Well, the twins had to admit Perceptor looked rather cute with his lips pursed, and he was pleading with a small voice for some help with a sore spot on his back, near his aft...

 

Perhpas it was no wonder Skywarp fell hard and fast.

 

Perceptor's right arm was wrapped around the Seeker's waist. His left hand was stroking his back, slowly making his way toward his neck. The Seeker was nibbling at the Autobot scientist's shoulder, looking very pleased.

 

And suddenly, his optics darkened and he fell to the ground. Perceptor just smiled at that and exited the cell he was in, left open by the formely enamoured Decepticon.

 

“What...what did you do?” asked Sideswipe, optics locked on the still form of the black Seeker, as their fellow Autobot was opening the door of their cell.

“I shut down a few systems,” answered Perceptor, shrugging. “It’s not so hard once you’ve listened to some of Ratchet’s lessons.”

“Just wait until the others hear of that...” began Sunstreaker.

 

The scientist turned toward the twins with a dangerous look in his optics. Now, next to Megatron’s glare or Prowl’s face on a bad day, it wasn’t that scary. But well, it was Perceptor: the nerdy ‘bot who wasn’t even properly armed.

 

And seeing him glare at them was like seeing Prime declaring his eternal love to Megatron.

 

“You,” hissed Perceptor, “Are never going to say to anyone what just happened here. Am I clear?”

 

The Twins just nodded dumbly. The scientist smirked.

 

“Now, if you could please use Skywarp’s weapons to lead the way and bring us back to the Ark, I would be delighted,” said the microscope sweetly. “Oh, and by the way, I don’t condamn the use of mayhem, chaos and random explosions while you’re doing so.”

 

The Twins exchanged a glance and smiled while grabbing the Seeker’s guns. Perhaps Perceptor wasn’t a bad mech to be around, after all...

 

Perhaps they could try to... ‘get to know him better’ later on.

Comments

[norielit.livejournal.com]

... I really should have read this a long time ago. Whoops. Ah well - I'm here now, and I'm in love. *cheers* Go, Perceptor, Go!

"It's not So hard once you've listened to some of Ratchet's lessons."

I love this line. I really, really do. I also like the comparison to Prime declaring love for Megatron... Okay, so I basically love the entire fic. Thank you so much for writing this.

On another note - I actually like the Grim's Faery Tales one as well. Yes, he would end up writing bloody endings, wouldn't he?

[yami-samuraiflo.livejournal.com]

Thank to YOU for providing the bunny. Perhaps I will write a sequel later on.

Prime declaring love to Megatron is a fangirl dream coming true... except when they can't stand the character. Although he can be fun to mess with...

As for Grimlock... of course he would like bloody endings, just like Slag. Not sure about the others...